“I know my sheep and my sheep know me. I know my sheep and my sheep know me”... I have been repeating this scripture in my head lately.
Recently, I had a morning with a swirl of emotions. Moments where I was praying to God that I don’t want to live a defeated life, to believing that I can be content in every circumstance and then back to my doubts again. I even said aloud at some point, “Where are you, God? ” I kept repeating the scripture in my head to help me remember something when I felt like I wanted to run the other way and hide.
“I know my sheep and my sheep know me. ”
When I felt like my prayers were being unanswered and I didn’t understand what was happening and why, I needed to do the opposite of what I felt at that moment. I felt like running away and choosing an easier path. I felt like doing something that would change my trajectory.
Instead, I drew myself closer to him, like a lamb to his shepherd. Telling Him the truth rather than turning my back, as if I had given up on His faithfulness. I was honest with him about my struggles and how I felt in the midst of it.
And he met me there.
“I know my sheep and my sheep know me.”
My husband and I have been reading Psalms lately. David speaks to God in the highs and lows of battle and victory. I noticed that many psalms begin with a cry of “Where are you, God?” and end in a “Praise you anyway” sort of way. David has been described as a man after God’s own heart- not because of his perfection as a person, but because of his imperfection. He brought all of the pieces to God- the messy ones, the in between and the praises, and it made him praise the Father all the more.
What if this time that I am seeking him is designed so that I know his voice and his unconditional love better? I want to KNOW him. I want to be okay with him knowing all of me. Even the messy parts, where I have given up and feel lost. I don’t know what he is doing and there are many things I do not understand. But the more I KNOW him, the better his character is understood, so that I do not rely on circumstances that do not make sense to define Him. It is a Knowing without knowing all of the pieces and how they fit together.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-just as the Father knows me and I know the Father- and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
He lays down his LIFE for his sheep. Having a Knowing of a good, good Father is all I really need.
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-just as the Father knows me and I know the Father- and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
-John 10:14-15 NIV-
