Updated: Jan 3, 2019
Here we are in 2019! Many set resolutions during this time as a chance for a new beginning. Years ago, I had someone say that they pray for a word each year and I loved that idea! I love words and tend to cling to particular bible verses, quotes and song lyrics. It gives me something to meditate on and think about. A word of the year seemed simple and beautiful to me. In the last 4 years, I have had the words: listen, still, joy, and brave. I pray to God and ask for a word to come to me. This year he gave me the word, trust. Having this one word gives me a trail of how God moves in my life and has me grow. I particularly like how it works in each ebb and flow in life.
So, why the word trust?! Well, mostly because God spoke it into my heart! But as I reflect on it, this makes sense to me. Every time I put myself in a situation where I need to trust God with the outcome, I do this thing. It is kind of like a disclaimer. If this doesn’t work out, this is what I can do. Like a plan B. As if I am just not sure if God’s promises pertain to me. As a child, I remember that I had this horrible nightmare. I remember asking God to take all of my bad dreams away. I kid you not, I don’t remember having a bad dream after that moment until I was 18 years old. I remember many times that I prayed as a kid and God came through. It seemed that my prayers were answered the way I thought they should. Then there came a time when I prayed and God didn’t answer my prayer the way I thought he should.
Quite a few years ago, my brother was having stomach problems and he was about to have exploratory surgery. Cancer was a word that came up as a possible cause. He was the father of my niece and nephew, so I prayed big prayers. Right before I was traveling to be there after his surgery, a surge of peace came over me. The Holy Spirit whispered into my heart, “Everything is going to be okay.” Perhaps it was my immaturity, but I took that as the outcome of this surgery would not reveal cancer and everything would be fine. But it didn’t. The outcome was that he had cancer. I was shocked and crushed. I felt tricked! It just didn’t seem to make sense that the Holy Spirit would tell me everything was okay when it wasn’t. This is when I began to doubt His promises. As if they weren’t meant for me or my family. But I have to trust in the wonder of how God can take broken hearts and mend them. I have to trust that God can take tragedy and a prayer answered in a different way than I expected and turn it into something beautiful. So many things have happened in my life in a different way than I plan in my head and I have to trust that God has a purpose and plan that is greater than my imagination could ever create for myself. My brother still has cancer but it is slow growing and he still gets to be with his family. Since then he has changed careers, had 2 kids in college and continues to live in God’s grace. That is beautiful. This story is not finished. It still continues.
Just because I chose the word trust does not mean I will always get it right. But I am willing to work on it and watch how God uses it to show me how he is working on my behalf. I have to trust that He has beautiful things planned, even if I can’t always see them right away.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 1:6
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. “ -Ecclesiastes 3:11